I'm Not Sorry

If I did something to offend someone and they don't tell me I can't apologize and make it right. If they do tell me and I believe that I still did not think I did anything wrong I will not apologize.

If someone accuses me of something I did not do and tries to make me apologize I will not do it. Because apologizing means I accept I did wrong. But if I did not do wrong and still apologize I am compromising my character.

I won't back down. 

When I was about 11 or 12 I played on a recreational girl's soccer team, new coaches (a dad and his friend), same team. One day we had a game against a team that had a girl on it who was very aggressive and physical. 

Now, if you know me you know I am very competitive. I hate losing. And I enjoy physical sports, soccer and Ultimate Frisbee being my favorites. And I am pushy. I won't play dirty but I will play hard, and fouls happen.

Anyway, this girl was a little bit bigger than me and I was playing a defensive position and she was playing offense on my side of the field and we came into contact often. And I believe that I was one of the first people to push her back and that made her angry. We played on the spectator's side of the field, in plain view of everyone and we had it going, legally. But she was mad and started cussing and eventually her coach took her out a little while before the game ended.

At the end of the game my coaches asked who had been defending her and I raised my hand. I was fairly proud of myself for holding my own and not letting her into my end of the field and scoring. The assistant took me aside and told me I had to apologize to her.

I was very confused and asked why.

He told me that her coach had told them that she had said I had punched her.

I hadn't done it. She had made it up to get back at me.

I said I didn't do it.

My coaches said I had to apologize anyway and took me over there to make me say I was sorry.

I wasn't sorry.

I had done nothing wrong.

When we got to their end of the field I didn't say anything but one of the coaches said, "She's sorry."

I still wasn't sorry. 

I had nothing to be sorry for.

Now I was mad.

I got my gear together as fast as I could and stalked to where my mom was. She asked what was wrong and I told her I would let her know in the car.

When I told her she was mad too and we got back out of that car and back onto that field and she talked with one of the coaches. One of the coaches who wouldn't listen to his own player.

I got an apology from them. 

And I will not be forced to apologize for something I didn't do.

I did take away a good lesson from that though. And it has helped me over the last year or so.